Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Human contact: the final frontier.
Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!
Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me. You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.]]>
One piece of advice for upcoming engineers?